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If Pizza Toppings Were People

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Source: Frank James
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  • description: What if Pepperoni, Cheese, Sauce, and many more pizza toppings tried to help you pick which toppings to put on your pizza? Will Pineapple ever be accepted? Will Olives ever get the hint? Why is Anchovies even an option? Is White Sauce the victim of prejudice? (funny, I hope) ☕ If you'd like to show me some love, buy me a coffee 🧡 https://infj.me/coffee Want more "If Things Were People" Comedy? Here's the whole YouTube playlist, playa 😎 👉 https://infj.me/people What toppings do you like on your pizza? Me personally, I think a plain cheese pizza is pretty good. I do also enjoy sausage and green bell peppers. I've even had pizza finished with a drizzle of hot honey--now that is unexpectedly good! Really, there is not a topping I don't enjoy from time to time. EXCEPT ANCHOVIES. As a child, my elementary school had a program called "Bookit," where you'd fill out a sheet showing how many books you'd read, and once you hit a certain amount, you got a coupon for a free personal pan pizza with one topping at Pizza Hut. One day, for some reason, I decided I wanted to try anchovies on my pizza. It was horrible. It was just fishy and salty. Why does Pizza Hut even offer that topping (or at least why did they offer it back in 1996)? Now look, I know, certain types of authentic pizza sauces use A LITTLE bit of mashed up anchovies in the sauce for some umami richness, but not enough to taste fishy. That I can get behind. But slapping a bunch of anchovies on top of the cheese? It's just not right. Moving on, the style of pizza is also an interesting point. Like many Americans, New York style (which is basically what the big chains like Pizza Hut and Dominos sell) is all I really knew for a long time. But I have come to discover a big world of pizza varieties, which often come down to the dough recipe and the pan the pizza is cooked in (or the stone, as the case may be). Originally I had thought of doing "If Pizza Styles Were People," but I figured it might be too niche. Everybody knows cheese and pepperoni, but most people probably don't know the differences between styles like NY, Neapolitan, Detroit, Sicilian, Chicago Deep Dish, Grandma, Al Taglio, and so on, and many may not even realize that there are, in fact, dozens and dozens of distinct styles of pizza. So I tabled that idea. What's your favorite style of pizza? I pretty much like them all. Right now, Sicilian is the one I am making the most at home. It is a bit thicker, fluffier crust, baked in a pan. Let me know whatever thoughts about pizza you have in the comments. Share your favorite pizza dough recipe if you have one (mine is at the bottom of the description). Lastly, to explain the images at the end of the video with the Canadian flag. These are all icons of Canada, meant to be humorous from the perspective of an American. There is Hawaiian Pizza of course, which was created by a pizzeria in Canada. Then there is a bag of milk, which is how milk is sold in some parts of Canada. Of course there is a hockey player, as that is every Canadian's favorite sport (legally speaking). Maple syrup is big up there (I took a trip to Quebec with my high school French club in 2003, and we visited a maple syrup farm. There is also a winter treat there, where they pour maple syrup into the snow to harden, then put a popsicle stick on it and roll it up). Then there is the 2 dollar coin (or Toonie). The beaver is the national animal of Canada. And lastly there is J.J. McCullough, friend of the show and prominent Canadian YouTuber. There may be something else at the end that I am forgetting right now. If so, ask your dad to explain it. If you read this whole description, please either leave a comment about how you're disappointed that Hard Boiled Egg wasn't mentioned, and/or include a fax machine emoji in your comment. Oh and lastly for real, I know, I know, Onion and Mushroom and probably some others were left out of the video. But choices must be made, characters must be cut, and I secretly hope sometimes that if I leave out certain characters in an "If Things Were People" video, it will cause people to complain in the comments, driving up engagement and boosting the video in the algorithm. Does it work? Not really. Sicilian dough recipe (for a 14x14 inch square pan) King Arthur Bread Flour (442g) + Vital Gluten Flour (10g) = 452 g - 100% Water (100-105F) 332g - 73.5% Table salt 10g - 2.2% Instant yeast 2.7g (¾ tsp) - 0.60% Mix it all, rest 10 minutes. Do a stretch and fold; rest 30 minutes; 2 additional stretch and folds 30 mins apart. After third stretch and fold, put it in an airtight container in the refrigerator overnight. 3 hours before baking, take it out of the refrigerator. After 2 hours, Put 18g olive oil in bottom of pan. Preheat oven to 500F. Shape dough to fit pan (let rest 10 mins if it keeps shrinking back). Parbake 5-7 mins. Take out of oven. Put on toppings. Bake 8-9 mins. #pizza #comedy #comedysketch #relatable #ifthingswerepeople #pizzalover
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